I am somewhat rhythmically challenged. I always have been. This is something of a challenge for a composer. It is just an awful truth that I struggle with rhythm. Most of my friends have it. For me, it’s a constant struggle. I can hear the rhythms in my head. I can even beat them out with my hands, but putting them down on paper is a monumental task. Don’t get me wrong. I understand the concept. I understand the notation. I just struggle to make it happen the way I hear it in my head.

I am sure that there have been other composers who also struggled with this affliction for which I can find no cure. Often a musician can’t see the pain, feel the angst, experience the pangs that the composer went through to make that rhythm work in the music. I am currently working on the third movement of my first symphony. It truly is a labor of love, but there are times when I am writing along and the melody goes blank. The rhythm is lost. At these times, I have to ask myself, do I really want to keep with the rhythm I have established or move on to something else? I reached that moment 4 minutes and thirty seconds into the third movement.

For three days I wrote various melodies and rhythms only to delete them and start again. At some point during the day on Monday, I heard a tango. That was the trigger. I thought to myself how unique it would be to drop from ¾ time into 4/4 and use a tango type of rhythm and melody. After all, the third movement is called The Dance and the first 4 ½ minutes are really a waltz. Well, that’s where it started. What I ended up with is not a tango but it did help me find the rhythm and melody that I needed to move forward.

Will I ever write a tango? Possibly. I do like the Latin rhythms, but that really isn’t the point. The point is that I was Stuck with a capital ‘S’ and God found a sneaky way to get me unstuck, which is a huge relief. It took me 4 days to write 4 bars of music and this morning I wrote close to 40 bars and have direction again. It’s funny how that works.

But life is like that, not just music. We get so involved with our work that we forget the source of our strength and inspiration and suddenly find we have painted ourselves into a corner. We really shouldn’t beat ourselves up about it. It is human nature. But, when we find ourselves in that spot, our relationship with God gives us a decided edge. We can stop painting and spinning our wheels, look around at what we have done to ourselves, admit our failings and let God provide the path out. People without that kind of relationship discover that the only real option they have is to slowly back out of the room painting over the footprints they are leaving behind and it still always creates a mess. Isn’t it wonderful that God loves us even in our failures.

In the meantime, I really wish He would grant me some rhythm. 