Ain’t no two ways about it. I am stubborn. If you don’t believe me, ask my wife. I believe that something is one way or remember it a certain way, sometimes it takes a lot of convincing before I will stop and reexamine my position. That does not mean that I am right or wrong. It just means I am stubborn. It often boils down to time. It takes time to reevaluate one’s position. It requires research. It requires self-examination and reflection. All too often, I feel I don’t have that luxury. But is that really pragmatic and should the relevance of whatever I am questioning also play a part into how much time I spend on it? Still, I respect the opinion of others and I believe that finding time to reexamine my position is not only important but often conducive to cementing my ideas in one direction or another.

Case in point; I have I have almost finished the third movement of my first symphony. I’m very happy with it and am excited about finishing it. The other day I let my wife hear what I had written so far. She loved it. She thought it was beautiful. She loved all of it… except bars 108-116. This just happens to be one of my favorite sections. It is where I transition the melody from major to minor and I used some unique chords to provide that transition. It’s quiet but a little disconcerting to the ears. It is not dissonant. It is just not what my wife expected to hear. Her words were that it made her uncomfortable.

I don’t want this to turn into a discussion of which point of view is more important, the listener or the composer. I think they are both equally important. But the dilemma that I face is the question “If I truly believe that what I have written says exactly what I mean, should I give in to the listener to make them more comfortable?” My initial reaction is “Sometimes, music is uncomfortable” and that would be a legitimate statement. A lot of major composers write uncomfortable moments and those are usually part of a transition. In truth here, though, the music is not all about me. It’s also about the musicians and the listener. That is not me throwing in the towel, raising the white flag or surrendering my sword. It means that I respect my wife’s opinion enough that I will reexamine the passage and I will solicit additional opinions and then I will make a conscious choice as to whether to rewrite the passage or leave it as it is.

So, I am back to drawing a life lesson from my music again. If I acknowledge this stubborn streak in me in regards to my music, what about the rest of my life? The conclusion that I come to is pretty simple. If I love and respect the people around me like I say I do, then it is only proper to extend them the simple courtesy of respecting their opinions. It is not about them being right or me being wrong. It’s about respect. Sometimes, I am going to remain firmly convince that my choice is correct, but I will do it with loving consideration of those around me. Sometimes, I will have to accept the fact that I am in error and again, with loving consideration, alter my perspective. That’s just life. But it is life based on the respect of others rather than the hubris of self and I really believe that is where Christ wants me to be.

Every piece of music should contain certain things if you want people to remember it.  I’m not talking formula here.  I hate music created by formula.  I’m talking substance.  I’m talking essence.  I’m talking story line.  I know that there are people that would disagree with me over this because they confuse story line with purpose.  Bach’s inventions, for instance, were created to help pianists with their fingering and technique.  I am here to tell you, though, that I have never heard a Bach invention that doesn’t tell some kind of story while it is teaching you.  If you aren’t telling a story with your music, it all too often will wind up flat and unmoving.

Each and every piece of successful music has a beginning, middle and an end.  You have to have a beginning to get someone’s attention so that they will listen to the rest of the piece.  The middle must contain enough substance to keep the listener’s attention and speak to them while the end should leave then satisfied, knowing that they have heard what the composer and musician have to say.

I directed a play once that had wonderful characters.  It was from a play-writing competition.  I chose the piece because of the characters and their interaction with a moving plot.  It was very well crafted.  The only problem I had with the play was that the author was writing it as the first play in a trilogy.  For that reason, he did not bring closure to the play.  He meant for it to end somewhat like a television serial drama where the questions go unanswered at the end of each episode and if it is the season finale they leave you hanging until the following season.  But what happens if the show gets cancelled during the summer and the questions never get answered.  I’ve always felt that is a disservice to the audience.  You can leave them wanting for more without making them hate you for not finishing what you started.  I had to have a talk with the author and force a new ending on the play.  I just couldn’t leave everything unresolved knowing that we would probably never do the next two plays.

Music is the same way.  You must have a beginning, middle and an end.  You must have some sense of conflict and resolution.  That doesn’t mean that is has to be fast, loud or dissonant.  It simply means that you have to tell a story and the “the end” should leave the listener satisfied that they can now applaud.  Have you ever been to a performance where the audience did not know when to applaud?  It’s embarrassing.  It’s embarrassing for the composer, musicians, director and audience.  It is just not a good experience for anyone involved.

The ending can be subtle but still sure of itself.  It can also be blatantly obvious.  The point being that the ending should obviously be the ending and not leave the audience confused.

Life can be like that.  We start things that we don’t finish and leave people hanging.   Everything we do should have a beginning, middle and end.  If it doesn’t, we feel cheated; incomplete.  We become unsatisfied.  God wants us satisfied.  He expects us to finish the tasks He sets before us.  It brings fulfillment to not only ourselves, but those around us.  Take a look around at the project that God has you working and make a commitment to complete them in a timely manner.  Trust me, it will give you a true since of satisfaction and fulfillment and will open the doors for God to entrust you with bigger projects in the future.

I’m not a big fan of change. I know very few people that are. I know that in my music, sometimes change is necessary. Changing keys can help build intensity. Changing tempo can add help return focus. Changing instruments can add flavor. Changing volume can place emphasis. Sometimes my music gets into a groove and I know that something has got to change just to keep the listener’s interest. But change for the sake of change can lead to a different kind of rut where change is anticipated and expected and thus is no longer change. Change must have purpose.

Changes in music can be small and almost negligible. For instance: slipping from a violin line to a viola line in your melody. Sometimes they are hard and dramatic; let’s add a crashing cymbal. Sometimes it can mean just slipping in a little swing or syncopation to lighten the mood. The point being that the change should be for the benefit of the listener, not the composer. You have to ask yourself where you want to take your listener and how best can you get there. The last thing you want is for your listener to get bored and move on to something else.

Now, I say that from a musical standpoint. There are times when the composer has to change as well. We get stuck in a rut writing what is comfortable and what we are writing lack substance. That means it is time for a change: time to open up our mind so fresh ideas and embrace the high road even if it is the more difficult path.

I think my life is like that. I get comfortable and balanced in a routine. I don’t want to upset the apple cart because it is much easier to keep the status quo. Unfortunately, everything in my life suffers when I do that. I don’t pay as much attention to the people that are important to me. I have trouble focusing at my job. My music becomes lackluster. The only way to deal with it is to recognize it for what it is and embrace change. Change in attitude. Change in spirit. Change in the way I do things.
Sometimes it doesn’t take much to get me back where I need to be. I take a different route to work. I listen to some music that I don’t normally listen to or don’t listen to any music at all so I can hear the sounds all around me. Sometimes I swap my prayer time around or spend more time in the Bible. Other times, it’s much more difficult. But half the battle is realizing it for what it is and accepting the fact that I have to do something about it.

No excuses. Stop being fearful of change and embrace it. It doesn’t have to be drastic but let the change take you on a slightly different path so that you can experience something different. Your music and your life will be the better for it.

I am somewhat rhythmically challenged. I always have been. This is something of a challenge for a composer. It is just an awful truth that I struggle with rhythm. Most of my friends have it. For me, it’s a constant struggle. I can hear the rhythms in my head. I can even beat them out with my hands, but putting them down on paper is a monumental task. Don’t get me wrong. I understand the concept. I understand the notation. I just struggle to make it happen the way I hear it in my head.

I am sure that there have been other composers who also struggled with this affliction for which I can find no cure. Often a musician can’t see the pain, feel the angst, experience the pangs that the composer went through to make that rhythm work in the music. I am currently working on the third movement of my first symphony. It truly is a labor of love, but there are times when I am writing along and the melody goes blank. The rhythm is lost. At these times, I have to ask myself, do I really want to keep with the rhythm I have established or move on to something else? I reached that moment 4 minutes and thirty seconds into the third movement.

For three days I wrote various melodies and rhythms only to delete them and start again. At some point during the day on Monday, I heard a tango. That was the trigger. I thought to myself how unique it would be to drop from ¾ time into 4/4 and use a tango type of rhythm and melody. After all, the third movement is called The Dance and the first 4 ½ minutes are really a waltz. Well, that’s where it started. What I ended up with is not a tango but it did help me find the rhythm and melody that I needed to move forward.

Will I ever write a tango? Possibly. I do like the Latin rhythms, but that really isn’t the point. The point is that I was Stuck with a capital ‘S’ and God found a sneaky way to get me unstuck, which is a huge relief. It took me 4 days to write 4 bars of music and this morning I wrote close to 40 bars and have direction again. It’s funny how that works.

But life is like that, not just music. We get so involved with our work that we forget the source of our strength and inspiration and suddenly find we have painted ourselves into a corner. We really shouldn’t beat ourselves up about it. It is human nature. But, when we find ourselves in that spot, our relationship with God gives us a decided edge. We can stop painting and spinning our wheels, look around at what we have done to ourselves, admit our failings and let God provide the path out. People without that kind of relationship discover that the only real option they have is to slowly back out of the room painting over the footprints they are leaving behind and it still always creates a mess. Isn’t it wonderful that God loves us even in our failures.

In the meantime, I really wish He would grant me some rhythm. 

Sometimes it’s tough. Sometimes is it plain tough to keep going. You set your eyes on the prize and you’re chugging away but in truth, it is tough keeping the momentum going; especially if you aren’t getting any feedback. Most of us can keep it up with either positive or negative feedback. Positive feedback is encouraging. Negative feedback just makes us want to work harder. No feedback is like working in a void where you can’t get any traction.

I have days like that. There are days when I haven’t heard from anyone in a while as to whether I am reaching anyone with my music or writing or anything else. There are days when I just want to shake someone and ask them if they have had time to listen to that last track I gave them or if they happened to read the last blog. But I don’t.

Because, you see, the problem is with me. When I started writing music it was a cathartic release for me. I really had no intention of ever making any money from it. It just gave me a way to express what I was feeling and thinking and then I was able to share that with others. Unfortunately, I don’t have an orchestra that I can drag around with me, so I pretty much have to give people digital music. Every once in a while a little light goes off and someone gets excited about what I am writing and that alone is enough to keep me chugging along.

In truth, God sent me down this path and I know that this is what He is wanting me to accomplish. Just at the moments I think about giving up, someone will pop up and say “I read that and it meant something special to me”, or “I listened to that last piece of music that you posted and it really moved me.” That is really all I need to stay motivated. God knows this and that is why He provides me with that encouragement.

Maybe you need a little encouragement as well. Well, I am here to tell you that you should feel encouraged. God has a perfect plan for what He needs you to accomplish and He will find ways to encourage you along the way, even when you feel it is helpless. Just listen for the whispers.

I missed doing my blog last week. I started it several times and actually came close to something that I was almost satisfied with, but it lacked depth. I could make all kinds of excuses but the absolute truth that I have to accept is that it didn’t have as high of a priority of some other things I was trying to accomplish last week. I simply am not going to publish a blog just to publish something. It should make you think, possibly respond. It should say something to you that will lift you up through the week and not drag you down. It should move you to action and simply get you to invest in yourself and God. It can never be just words on a page.

Having said that, I want to talk a little bit about garbage moments. There are really two types of priorities; those that feed you and those that drain you. We all have to do things on a regular basis that require us to put a priority on them just so they can be accomplished in a timely manner. Did you ever forget to take out the garbage on time and then miss the garbage man? There’s a real down side to that. At some point you have to make taking out the garbage a priority so that it will happen in a timely manner and you won’t have to suffer the consequences of not getting it done in time. In the comic Rose is Rose, Roses husband is often pictured having a garbage moment. It’s kind of a unique perspective because his garbage moment feeds him. He takes out the garbage at night so that he can spend time alone gazing at the stars. It’s a positive experience. When I take out the garbage, I get to see the sunrise. It take the drudgery of the moment away and it becomes somewhat of an inspiring moment. Most of us look at our garbage moments as a drudge simply because we have let our own perspectives take us there. You have to find the positive in those moments or they will bring you down. They will devour you. If you have too many garbage moments in your life that provide you with no positive feedback, you will most assuredly be depressed and feel put upon.

Okay, we are all human and we are simply not going to look at every garbage moment with a positive attitude. I find it real hard to be in a positive mood when cleaning the bathroom. Still, what you have to do it make sure that you have more positive garbage moments in your life that negative ones. You have to be able to feed more than you are being fed upon.

What has that got to do with music? Writing music is hard work. Those who say it is really not difficult, haven’t written much or don’t stretch themselves to write things that are outside their normal scope. Writing music is putting all the notes down, adjusting tones and harmonies, adjusting tempo, adding instruments, taking away instruments, adding and adjusting dynamics and sometimes it means throwing out the garbage and starting again. It really is hard work. Often it is painful. I don’t know about you but I can tell you that writing music, as difficult and time consuming as it is, feeds me. It is one of God’s gifts to me to bring renewel. It always gives me back more than it takes.

That is one of the main reasons that I continue to write music. I have come to the conclusion that I have got to have more positive garbage moments in my life where I can stare into the soul of the universe and see the face of God than moments when I am cleaning the bathroom and just want to stay focused and get it done. I think I would go crazy if I didn’t have my music. I know I would be depressed.

How about you? Do you look for those garbage moments that feed you? I encourage you to find a balance that is a little off center, where your garbage moments are feeding you more than they are taking away. These are little Easter eggs from God, totally unexpected full of joy and wonderment. Embrace them for what they are and let God feed you. It will give you the energy to get past those moments that pull you down.

I’ve read so very many posts and blogs about where inspiration comes from. I’ve written a few myself. Sometimes it’s just a feeling that I feel needs expressing. Other times, it’s a mood, and yes, there is a difference. Sometimes the inspiration comes from something someone has said to me or done for me or even done to me. But sometimes, it’s just being in the presence of an external force that makes me reflect on the nature of my being and my surroundings. That can be a truly awesome inspiration and motivator.

Have you ever listened to the rain on a tin roof? Or outside your window on stormy night? Awesome, isn’t it? How about when you are lying in bed late at night and can’t sleep and you hear the mournful horn of a train in the distance? It tickles a thought in your brain and maybe sends a chill up your spine. It’s inspiring. I know I lay there thinking, there has to be a tune in there somewhere. It’s just too awesome to be ignored.

Many years ago, I was visiting a friend’s family in McAlister, Oklahoma. I took some time for myself in the early afternoon because the scenery was gorgeous and I just wanted to spend some time with my Lord. I sat on the top of a hill and looked out over the valley below me. It was stunning. The sun was high with lots of clouds. There was a thunderstorm in the distance coming towards me and I could see the lightning and hear the low rumble thunder. The wind was cool and refreshing and just being there experiencing the moment was breath taking. I found myself thinking back to the place in Exodus where Moses realizes he can’t enter the promised land and God reveals His presence to him by passing his hand over him while he is looking into Canaan. Up on that hill, looking into that valley with the wind rushing by I felt I could just glimpse the wonder of what Moses must have felt. I couldn’t go down in the valley just as Moses couldn’t go into Canaan but I didn’t have to. I could experience the presence of God right where I was at that very moment and it is a moment in time I will never forget.

And yes. There was a song that came out of it. One of my very favorites. I did not go out that day to write a song. I certainly wasn’t expecting the inspiration I received, but none of that makes me any the less grateful for it.

Take time to listen to the world around you. You don’t necessarily have to go out seeking inspiration. Sometimes it comes to you when you least expect it. The cry of a baby. The smell of a hot dog. The feeling of grass brushing against your leg. The sound of a hawk or a dog in the distance. The feel of a cold, hot, icy or warm breeze. The call of an old friend or loved one. Embrace those moments. Embrace them and pull the close and use them to drive your music. These are the strings on the instrument that is your soul.

I am a keyboardist by nature and training. That’s probably why I didn’t play in the band in high school. I had the opportunity to play in the jazz band at one point but my dance card was just too full to allow me any time to participate. I also play the guitar, but I am self-taught. The problem with teaching yourself to play an instrument is that you miss a lot of theory and technique and eventually those holes in your education get spotlighted. I’m sure you know where I ‘m going from. You’re sitting there jamming away and someone says, “That’s a really great riff but why don’t we diminish that opening chord and let’s transpose a half step up but don’t use the Capo because it makes your instrument sound to tinny.” Say what? Give me my keyboard and this isn’t a problem but I really have to think my through it on the guitar.

I’ve had a Yamaha 12 string for over 30 years and, unfortunately, it’s on its last legs. They say a photographer can’t blame his camera for bad pictures and musicians can’t blame their instruments for bad music but the truth is, cameras wear out and so do musical instruments. There comes a point where putting money into them is strictly from an emotional standpoint and not really a logical decision. What are you going to do? I love my 12 string but the action is bad, the neck is warped and I can’t keep the think tuned. Even when I can get it to tune, it is only tuned to certain keys which is ok as long as I only play in those keys. Still, I wrote a lot of music on that guitar. I cried and laughed over it. I know where every scratch came from. There are memories embedded in the grain of the body.

I learned to play guitar on an Epiphone classical guitar with nylon strings. The first folk ballads I wrote were on that guitar and I named him Andrew.  I gave Andrew to a close friend when I left for college.   She wanted to learn to play the guitar. She was already and accomplished pianist and violinist, which put her a step ahead of me. I really hope she got as much out of him as I did. I’ve tried to name my 12 string over the years but just couldn’t find anything that fit. My father gave it to me. I probably won’t get rid of it but it is surely ready to retire.

Now I need to find a new guitar. I am hoping it is the last acoustic guitar I ever have to buy. I hope it is one that I can laugh and cry over. I pray that it will allow me to expand my song writing and embrace the guitar side of me once again. I’ll let you know how that goes.

Every musician I know has a personal relationship with their instrument. Tell me about yours.